Spy equipment at Aldi

Want to make a clandestine video recording of a meeting or interview? Work for a TV current affairs program? Into the idea of violating privacy laws?

Well at Aldi you're in luck! This HD camera pen has 4GB of memory and can be operated at the touch of a button. The lens is just above the clip, so you can clip it in your pocket or bag for the best angle. I'm not sure if or how well it works as a pen.

Honestly I am surprised to see this advertised. It's on sale from Saturday 27 April.

Animal accessories

Round 2 of back-to-school catalogues has hit my letterbox, in case you missed it. Most of the same bargains are still there until the end of January. However, here are a couple more things that caught my eye:

Officeworks has novelty animal-shaped pencil sharpeners for 54c. A cute back-to-school gift, or just something silly to cheer yourself up on your own desk.

Kmart has rad kids' backpacks for $12 in the shape of either monkeys or owls, with googly eyes. I REPEAT, WITH GOOGLY EYES. I wish there was some excuse for me to carry such a backpack and still be respected by peers and employers, but there isn't, so I'll just move on.



And The Reject Shop has novelty animal-shaped paper clips in packs of 20 for $2. (Ignore the 'Gesture' variety.) Choose from crocodile, pig or rabbit, although the rabbit is my favourite because its haunch is incorporated into the curve of the paper clip.

Who's a pretty boy, then?

These novelty bird-shaped solar garden lights crack me up! Who even decides, "Yes, let's make some lights on sticks to illuminate the path to people's front doors in the dark, but we'll make them in the shapes of birds that don't come out after dark and, in the case of this toucan, are very unlikely to be found in a suburban Australian garden at all?"

They are 66cm high, including the sticks. The springs on which they're mounted make me suspect they might bobble hilariously. I presume that at night, the birds glow from within like those animal-shaped night lights you put in kids' bedrooms. Wouldn't it be funny if instead they had menacing glowing eyes or something.

If you'd like to create an inexplicable tropical atmosphere in your garden – perhaps as a fun decoration for summer parties – why not get these lights? The set of four birds (cockatoo, macaw, rosella and, uh, toucan – is $20 from The Reject Shop until 27 January. Hell, at these prices, you could invest in an entire flock.

NYE disposable revelry totems

New Year's Eve is coming up, and both Coles and Woolworths have your disposable revelry totems covered. They work out to the same price but the pack sizes are different. So at Coles you can get 16 sparklers for $1 ($1.49 for 24 sparklers at Woolies); party poppers are $2.39 for 20 at Coles, and $3 for 25 at Woolies (but $1.88 for 20 at Big Dubs so I'd go there); and "party glow bracelets" are $4 for 10 at Coles and Woolies alike.



Coles also has glow sticks for $2 each, which Woolies is clearly refusing to match. Come on. It is not the 1990s any more. However Big Dubs wants $2.97 for 20 of those satisfyingly old-fashioned 'blowouts', which are those things that inflate and unfurl with a sad toot when you blow into them.

Manchester… and more!

An outfit called Manchester and More, whose stores are all in outer-suburban bogan hotspots, has these incredibly tasteless doona covers for a mere $34.99 for QB and $39.99 for KB. Imagine the mighty feline power that will be unleashed in one of these beds:



They also have some more tasteful plain quilt cover sets in royal purple, crimson, white, beige, lavender and black for $35.99 DB, $40.50 QB and $49.50 KB.

They also have faux suede cushion covers featuring various kitschy animals: a leopard; a pair of running horses; a tabby kitten miaowing; a lion; a tiger; and wolf. They are $2.99 each, which I think you'll agree is a bargain for the epic effect these would have on your couch or bed.

For some time I have toyed with the idea of making my own puffy '50s organza petticoat out of one of those awful/amazing organza tab top curtains you see around. Well now I can; for only $7.99 a pair they have them in grey, lipstick pink, white, apple green, sky blue and purple.

And fulfilling all my trashy manchester fantasies, they have satin sheet sets in white, lilac, burgundy, beige, lipstick pink, red and gunmetal grey for $19.99 DB, $24.99 QB and $29.99 KB.

Mother's Day

Junk Mail Bargains, vol. 1. As regular readers of this blog would know, I love reading the junk mail. From time to time I like to tip off people I know about the interesting products on sale at major retailers, and today I thought, "Maybe I should do this in a more organised way."

But if you know me, you know that an irregular blog post on the subject is as about as organised as I am prepared to be.

Anyway – Mother's Day is coming up soon, which is great because it is a rich source of Freelance Work Clothes, or as other people might call them, 'sleepwear'. Here are some other interesting bargains this week:

A while ago I realised Garnier has a BB cream. This stands for "blemish balm" and is some next-level tinted moisturiser that also contains a primer and sunscreen. I associated BB creams with insane Korean makeup – my book club buddy Helen gave me a sample of a brand she uses and it made me look as if someone had run an airbrush over my nasty pink skin, which as you know is a great source of angst to me.

Anyway, if you would like to try this kind of moisturiser for a low-stakes price, Garnier's Miracle Skin Perfector is currently on special at Coles for $9 and at Kmart for slightly less, $8.50. Woolworths also has it on special with 30% off, but that only works out to $9.76 so Kmart wins.

Also at Coles (BUT IMPORTANTLY: NOT ALL COLESES) you can get two pairs of women's leggings for $8. That's cheaper than tights, and as Ned Stark liked to say, winter is coming. They come in full length, lace trim or 3/4 length, but importantly you can only get them at the deep-suburban barn-like stores. They are not available at the following stores that you may actually visit: Melbourne Central, Spencer Street, Fitzroy, Richmond, Port Melbourne, St Kilda. However they might be at Barkly Square, South Melbourne or Prahran.

Julian Fellowes' Titanic miniseries, just screened in the UK and US to mediocre reviews and nicknamed Drownton Abbey, will be available from next Monday at Kmart for $29.95. This may only interest me, as I am still in the grip of Titanic Re-Obsession 2012.

Women's freelance work pants (aka pyjama pants) are at Big W for $3, an even better price than $5, which is how much I paid for two pairs back in March. They probably only have them in boring colours such as grey and black now, but they are great pants and I wear them every day.

There are also women's "sleep sweaters" at Big W for $9.94, which would be a nice long-sleeved work top for winter, and men's or ladies' fleece-lined boots at $7.48, which I highly endorse as I bought some this time last year and wear them all the time. My pro tip: if they get a bit stinky you can put a tablespoon of baking soda in there, rub it in, leave for a while and then shake or even vacuum out. These are not actual sheepskin slippers, but Big Dubs also sells real leather ones for $25 – a saving of $9.96.

Big W has men's flannies for $7 but hold off, because they are actually cheaper at Ray's Outdoors, where they are $5.99.

Myer has a decent Revlon gift-with-purchase if you spend $40 – which is easy to do on a foundation or something. The 'Sweet Look' option is my favourite: you get a black eyeliner pencil, a four-colour eyeshadow palette (mid-brown, chocolate, beige and pink), a mascara, a lipstick in a berry-pink colour and a candy-pink nail polish, all in a beige zip-up makeup bag. With the 'Intense Look' option the bag, eyeshadow and nail polish are purple and there's a lip-liner and lip gloss instead of the lipstick and eyeliner.

There's also a nice range of teacups at Myer – with 25% off Maxwell and Williams their 'Kimono' teapot is now $29.95 and a cup, saucer and plate trio is $18.65. There's also an introductory offer on Royal Albert where the 'Country Roses' trio is $34.95 (it'll be $49.95 after the offer ends).

And there are some seriously jaunty retro-inspired Kenwood kitchen appliances that come in agreeably bright colours including yellow, orange, magenta, aqua and green, and have rounded deco lines.

At Dick Smith you can get a Belkin jogging armband for your iPod or iPhone (useful if you like to listen to music or are doing Couch to 5K) for $19.95, which includes a bonus set of sports hook earphones designed not to fall out.

A turntable and radio with a built-in speaker is half price at Dick Smith – $34. This probably won't satisfy audiophiles but is great for the casual vinyl listener. Probably cheaper than most records.

Also, if you are paranoid about security at your home and would like to deter burglars, at Dick Smith you can get a fake dome-mounted security camera for $19.95 (save $5!) It has a realistic look and a flashing red LED light.

At Autobarn, you can buy – and I wish I were joking – eyelashes for your car's headlights to make it look like a GIRL CAR. Allegedly they are "the latest craze in car fashion" and cost $19.99. "Also available: car eyeliner." Why do I feminism?